You’re reading How to end your “if only” list and accept yourself as you are, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

By Cheryl Melody Baskin

If only I didn’t have to work anymore, THEN I’d be happy. If only I could land a job, THEN I’d be happy. If only I could find the right partner, THEN I’d be happy. If only I could get some peace and quiet around here, THEN I’d be happy. If only I could become rich and famous, THEN I’d be happy.

Do you have similar thoughts? Although I know better, there are days when I hear the whispers of “if only” in my head, too. While many of these “if only” goals may sound like the key to a great life, wanting them — or even achieving them — doesn’t always bring us closer to happiness or fulfillment. We all know the proverbial story of the person with a million friends and lots of money, who still feels empty. No matter how much we achieve, the need for immediate results and longing is a human tendency.

What’s also true is that we have the power to change things. As I explain in my book, Heart–Dreamer: Stepping into Life, Love, Creativity and Dreams – No Matter What, I look at the “if only” mantra as a syndrome of recycled negative thought patterns that I have the power to change. True happiness and inner peace are really “inside-out” jobs — not dependent on wealth, fame, or what society views as “success.” I know this theoretically, and eventually, once I tire of my personal pity party, I consciously shift my “if only” attitude into a higher emotional vibration. I get ready to do the tough but rewarding work of changing myself from deep down inside.

Below are the exercises I use to create this shift away from my “if only” chant, to accept myself as I am today, and then infuse my life with more dreaming and productive goals:

• Stop yourself in your own tracks. In the middle of my “if only” chant, I regroup and return to basics – the present moment. Here. Now. This. I notice the sacredness of every deep breath, and I am grateful for the beauty surrounding me. I have a favorite affirmation for this moment: “I am enough.” Self-acceptance is a direct action towards self-love. Just by breathing and being, you are enough.

• Discover the source of your “if only” through journal writing and other self-discovery approaches. Once you’re in the here-and-now, focus on the root cause of your longing. Do you want more friends because you feel isolated? Left out of the fun? Because you’ve read an article that more friends extend our life expectancy? Self-reflection and journal writing can help you get to the source of your feelings and aid you in releasing any negative toxic thoughts and reactions associated with each “if only.” Journal writing can also offer you a sense of renewed inner peace and help you discover the dreams that have been there all along without you knowing it.

• Embrace your doubts and insecurities, while building on them with a brave, determined “AND…” We all have doubts, fears and insecurities, and it’s ok to feel them, as long as there is an AND —  “AND I am determined, confident, brave, persistent and believe in myself and my uniqueness.” Eventually, you can work on making your “can do” voice the loudest. What we tell ourselves matters. “If only I were smarter, richer and successful” can be replaced with “I have the power to define who I am.” Insensitive people in your past may have said, “Don’t try that idea. You might fail.” or “There’s no money in that. Don’t take a risk.” Replace this unhelpful advice with things that acknowledge your power: “I have the courage to do what I love.” Power words change the trajectory of our lives.

• Trust the process, getting a little mystical. Trusting in the mystery of the unknown magic of life is something we sometimes forget to do as adults, but it can widen our perspective, and remind us that anything can happen! This often helps with letting go of our fears and opens our mind and spirit for new miracles, hope, healing, laughter, and the manifestation of new dreams. Even when we think that our lives are going nowhere, from my experience as a “heart-dreamer,” I have learned that the opposite is true. While feeling stagnant, there is always an internal humming of new growth. What if the next step towards personal success is to love and accept ourselves as we are? Trust, acceptance, love, healing and letting go are all paths towards inner peace, happiness and freedom.

• Accept that the “if only” may continue resonating – and that’s okay. It’s a pattern of recycled thoughts for a reason. Don’t get down on yourself if you struggle to reset your “if only” chant. Instead, take a moment to simply observe how your mind is working. It’s in these times that I like to take reflective moments to acknowledge how much I have grown despite my childhood wounds and everyday challenges. You, too, have challenges and have overcome difficulties. Pause, step back and enjoy yourself as a whole beautiful, artistic, complicated mess!

• Don’t stop there — use visualization techniques to tap into your imagination to dream even bigger. While you’re putting “if only” into perspective, let your imagination run wild. Sometimes the biggest dreams turn out to be the most attainable, because we really want them and can throw ourselves fully into the pursuit. This is when you can harness your “if only” pattern for good, and envision new dreams and a better life. Along with your power words, use your imagination to support your words into positive action. See yourself doing what you love. Trust that the universe is working with you in a timing that is filled with grace and love. Above all, keep dreaming.

Once you have written down your “if only” thoughts and created new power words, listen. What does your heart really want? What are the whispers of your inner voice telling you? What is your innermost truth? Honor your dreams, take small action steps, and embrace the fairy dust lighting your way. Dreams are a lifeline to hope. When you believe in yourself, everything is possible.

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Cheryl Melody Baskin (aka Melody) channels her boundless creative and spiritual energy into a variety of endeavors, from practicing healing arts — including music and sound healing — to serving as a motivational speaker, an educator, an intuitive life coach, workshop facilitator and musician. She is the author of Heart-Dreamer: Stepping into Life, Love, Creativity and Dreams-No Matter What (2019) and Shift of Heart-Paths to Healing and Love (2016). Follow her at: www.cherylmelody.com

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(CONVERSATION) — Dreams can often be confusing and blurry experiences. Reduced critical thinking, little to no access to our true memories and heightened impulsivity and emotions during normal dream states often make for head-scratching moments when our eyes first open in the morning.

But dreams don’t always play out this way. More than half of us have at least once in their lifetime experienced awareness of dreaming in the moment and, in some cases, the ability to direct a dream like a sleepy Steven Spielberg. Nearly a quarter of us report lucid dreaming once a month or more.

Two key changes in the brain appear responsible for these states. The frontotemporal cortex, which controls our higher cognitive abilities and is inhibited during normal dreams, shows higher activation during lucid dreams. Researchers also observe an increase in gamma waves, synchronised firing by groups of neurons at a frequency implicated with conscious awareness and executive functions such as voluntary action and decision-making.

Scientists are interested in how to influence the brain to enter into these states – and not just for the fun of it. They hope that lucid dreaming will provide valuable insight into how consciousness is formed, as well as being of practical use in many settings.

For example, lucid dreaming therapy holds great potential as a treatment for sufferers of chronic nightmares and Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD). People afflicted with PTSD usually experience recurrent nightmares which are usually centred around a single traumatic event. These recurrent nightmares are so terrifying that they cause anxiety, insomnia and disturbed sleep, which then negatively impacts daytime functioning. With lucidity, nightmare sufferers can realise that what they are experiencing is not real and subsequently turn the nightmare into a positive or a neutral dream.

Lucid dreaming also offers opportunities to improve motor skills through visualisation. Using mental imagery to rehearse motor skills has been shown to improve the performance of sportspeople, medical practitioners and musicians, as well as aiding the rehabilitation of hand control and other motor tasks, for example after nervous system damage. The technique works because imagining performing a motor action activates almost the same neural structures as actually performing it – and the same goes for dreamed actions.

Becoming lucid

Various techniques have been developed and tested to induce lucid dreams in recent years, but as yet none are reliably and consistently successful across individuals. That’s not to say that they won’t work on you though – while research in this area is in its infancy, some techniques already hold real promise. Here are the techniques with the most potential, most of which you can try at home.

Cognitive techniques are activities that are performed during the day or while falling asleep. Thus far, this type of approach has been most successful at inducing lucid dreams. According to a recent study of 169 Australian participants, a combination of three techniques induce lucid dreams most successfully: reality testing, Mnemonic Induction Lucid Dreaming and Wake-Back-to-Bed.

The reality testing method involves habitually asking your waking self whether you’re dreaming, and performing an action that helps you to find out. The popular film Inception references this technique with a spinning top, which would normally eventually stop rotating but continues eternally when dreaming. If you don’t fancy keeping a spinning top in your pocket, you can hold your nose and perform the normally impossible task of breathing through it. Repeated checks throughout the day make you more likely to do the same checks while dreaming, and thus become lucid to the freer dreamworld in which you can breathe through a blocked nose.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hhavsmsi_5M?feature=oembed&w=500&h=375]

In the Mnemonic Induction Lucid Dream (MILD) technique, one rehearses a dream and visualises becoming lucid while repeating a mantra expressing the same intention, such as: “Next time I’m dreaming I want to remember that I am dreaming.” For best results, it should be performed while returning to slumber during the Wake-Back-To-Bed (WBTB)technique, whereby one sets their alarm clock to one or two hours before their normal waking time, gets up for a few minutes, and then goes back to sleep.

This brief awakening is thought to increase cortical activation in the key brain areas implicated in lucid dreaming when one slips back into rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, the stage during which vivid dreaming occurs. Unsurprisingly, pressing the snooze buttonmultiple times before finally waking also appears to increase the chances of lucid dreaming.

Of course, these strategies require sustained effort to have an effect. In search of an easier route to lucid dreams, various wearable technology companies have developed contraptions that flash light, vibrate, or play sounds during REM sleep. The idea is that they’ll be incorporated into the dream content and thereby alert the dreamer that they are dreaming.

 

But both the literature and my own experiences at the University of Essex’s sleep lab suggest that such external stimulation techniques need to be handled with care. If presented in the wrong way, stimuli will either not be incorporated into the dream – or worse, cause people to wake up. Some people are lighter sleepers than others, so the intensity of stimuli should be tailored to the specific threshold at which each individual wakes up. They should also be delivered in specific moments of REM sleep when the brain is most receptive. Current wearable technology does not take these factors into account, and research is yet to fully unravel how such stimuli can be effectively deployed.

Recent research suggests drug interventions may hold promise. For example, galantamine, an enzyme inhibitor that is typically used to treat Alzheimer’s disease, has been shown to significantly increase lucid dream induction rates when used in conjunction with the WBTB and MILD techniques. This prescription drug should be left alone by aspiring lucid dreamers though – research is in its early stages and the drug can have side effects.

Caution should also be exercised with other supplements and herbs that claim to increase dream lucidity – they are not backed by scientific evidence and, as with all drugs, there is the risk of allergic reactions and side-effects.

Our understanding of lucid dreams has advanced significantly in the last decade. There is still much work to be done, but it hopefully won’t be too long before we figure out how to reliably and consistently induce them. Watch this space.

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By Achilleas Pavlou | TheConversation.com

The views in this article may not reflect editorial policy of The Mind Unleashed.

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You’re reading How To Flourish Financially with Forgiveness Practice, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Many people are looking for ways to improve their finances. It’s a hot topic and there are a lot of great concepts out there. I’d like to share a soul-oriented perspective on your financial condition and how to improve it.

My spiritual teacher, Dr. and Master Zhi Gang Sha, teaches that the soul is the boss in life and that everything happens at the soul level first. Soul is information. You could imagine it as a blueprint for everyone and everything. The information can be both positive and negative. The information in the soul is received by the heart, processed by the mind and manifested through the body – the energy and matter.

When we encounter challenges, there may be negative information in the soul being manifested. This may be from many lifetimes and may also include information from our ancestors. Thus, negative information in the soul could be blocking us from what we want to achieve. But we can transform this information through techniques and lifestyle choices, such as forgiveness practice.

Forgiveness practice can transform negative information to positive information in the soul. For any aspect of life, such as finances, we can connect, heart to heart, soul to soul, with those associated with that negative information and humbly ask for and offer forgiveness. By sincerely acting on our negative information and bringing in love and light, we can transform the current blueprint. It may take time, but regular practice coupled with action to improve our finances can lead to significant shifts and transformation.

 Many people see beautiful shifts in a short time period when they combine the spiritual and physical actions together. If you keep practicing, you could experience genuine, lasting change. You can learn more about how to implement forgiveness practice and find empowering tools in the book: Greatest Forgiveness: Bring Joy and Peace to Your Life with the Power of Unconditional Forgiveness, by Dr. & Master Zhi Gang Sha, Master Cynthia Deveraux and David Lusch. Included is wisdom on a special area in the body where financial transformation can occur and a practice for Transforming Finances and Business.

Virtue and the Purpose of Flourishing

Two other key concepts are helpful to understand when seeking to transform our finances. One has to do with the nature of virtue, and the other regards the purpose of financial flourishing. Integrating the “take aways” of these two concepts with forgiveness practice can help anyone progress toward greater financial flourishing.

Virtue, known as “de” in ancient Chinese philosophies, can be described as positive information in the soul that is created from our positive thoughts, speech and actions and associated with qualities such as love, forgiveness, compassion, service and more. The condition of your finances is related to the status of your spiritual “virtue bank” – or the amount of accumulated positive information in your soul. In other words, spiritual virtue can translate into flourishing in your physical life. You can accumulate virtue by serving well and helping others to be happier and healthier. Those with flourishing finances have virtue flowing from their spiritual bank to the physical world in the form of good finances.

Note that there is not a one-to-one correspondence with current life inputs and our virtue bank or our financial condition. Both positive and negative information in the soul are accumulated over our entire soul journey and include ancestral information. Thus, people who offer a large amount of good service may also face financial hardship, and visa versa. Just remember that 1) you can implement forgiveness practice and other wisdom to improve your conditions and 2) you can prevent the deterioration of your virtue bank by understanding the purpose (and responsibilities) of financial flourishing and also practicing forgiveness.

So, what is the purpose of financial flourishing? Simply put, it is to enable one to serve or help others better. When our finances flourish, we need to be mindful and serve well, so as not to drain our virtue bank. By serving and helping others to improve their lives, you will continue to put positive information back into your soul and virtue bank.

Therefore, it’s beneficial to get our priorities straight. Some pertinent questions to ask yourself are:

1. Why do I want to make (more) money? (What goals will you accomplish?)
2. What will I do with the money? (Will you improve you and your loved one’s lives, improve your service and make a better contribution to others?)
3. How will I make the money? (Will you offer good service?)
4. How will I conduct my business? (Will you do so with integrity?)
5. How will I handle my finances? (Will you manage your finances well?)

These questions can help you clarify and prepare for financial flourishing. Of course, you can relax and enjoy the benefits of financial flourishing , but it is important to also understand the purpose for wealth and flourishing from a spiritual perspective.

In closing, it is my hope that in considering the key and vital components for financial flourishing presented in this article, that you may be able to clarify your priorities, offer your best service, and practice unconditional forgiveness to improve your financial conditions and flourish.

David Lusch – Co-Author of Greatest Forgiveness: Bring Joy and Peace to Your Life with the Power of Unconditional Forgiveness, with Dr. & Master Zhi Gang Sha and Cynthia Deveraux

You’ve read How To Flourish Financially with Forgiveness Practice, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading I Did Not Quit My Mundane Job After Reading Robin Sharma’s Book, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

I don’t know if you can relate with me, but ever since I stepped into university, I have dreamt of changing the world (I think most people do). The naïve me thought that the world would be my playground as soon as I graduated from one of the best universities, and then I would be on the path of achieving great things (including working in a Fortune 500 company!)

Things, however, did not turn out to be as I expected. Once I was out of the cocoon, reality hit hard. Companies weren’t that eager to hire me, the job market was tough, there was a lot of competition and I could see my dreams shattering in front of my eyes.

It is difficult to stay motivated when things don’t go your way especially when you are unemployed and you have to pay the bills at the end of the month. So, I thought of just taking up any job that came my way regardless of whether or not it was a part of that Fortune list or related to the field I wanted to go to. (Bad idea. Don’t even think about it)

Thankfully though, after an excruciatingly long wait, I did get an offer from a well-reputed organization, and the work was also related to what I wanted to pursue (remotely, but something is better than nothing, right?). So I jumped at the opportunity.

I was pretty excited to start. However, my excitement couldn’t live for long. I am one of those people who live to tackle challenges because routine bores them. And soon after I started working, things started to seem mundane because of the small learning curve. I wanted to learn more and contribute more, and I kept feeling like I was underutilized.

To Quit Or Not To Quit?

When you don’t like your job, each day feels like a drag and you hate waking up in the morning to go through the same routine again. My first instinct was to quit and look for greener pastures, but this is one decision that you can’t just take spontaneously. Some people do that, but in my case, I still remembered that agonizing long wait and ever growing pile of bills.

So, I turned towards self-help books to dig some hope and motivation for continuing my job. I have always been a fan of Robin Sharma and his books. I have learned some great lessons from The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari and The 5 am Club.

I then came across this book, The Leader Who Had No Title and it completely changed my perspective towards my job.

Leadership Is Your Birthright

Contrary to the popular belief that leadership is meant for a few chosen people, this book pitches the idea: everyone is a leader, regardless of what their job role is in an organization. In this business fable, a retired veteran, who is trying to search for a purpose in his life and work; talks to four people, who are not considered to be in leadership positions as per the norm. But they are happy with their work and they believe that they play an important role in their respective organizations.  

This book challenged my perspective i.e. a mundane job is not meaningful. The four leaders that the veteran met, had ordinary jobs that of a librarian and a waitress. And our usual perspective is that the success of an organization doesn’t lie in such jobs, which are easy to replace. But the book breaks the stereotype and shine light towards a fresh perspective; which is, when people are good at their jobs, they automatically become a pivot of an organization and success flows through them.

“What I’ve learned about leadership is that leaders are those individuals, who do the things that failures aren’t willing to do—even though they might not like doing them either. They have the discipline to do what they know to be important—and right—versus what’s easy and fun.”

Patience Is Virtue

I will be honest, I have been told many times that I am not a patient person and perseverance is the key to success in life. I will admit that I need to work on that weakness of mine. After completing this book, I realized the fact that my job, no matter how mundane or boring it may seem to me, has a role to play in the organization. And that was the reason I was hired and all I have to do is to give it my 100 percent. Also, I need to be the best at it and prove that I am worthy of more responsibility.

“The farmer has patience and trusts the process. He just has the faith and deep understanding that through his daily efforts, the harvest will come. And then one day, almost out of nowhere, it does.”

Stop Comparing Yourself

One of the biggest reasons for my disappointment was, perhaps, seeing my batch mates in higher positions with fancy titles while I was stuck in a not-so-impressive place. Comparison is like a vortex that sucks you in and robs you out of joy. It is a natural reaction, considering that the availability of internet, smartphones and our constant use of social media makes us compare our lives with others. But you need to realize that your journey is different from others and not having a flashy title doesn’t mean that you will not be successful in the long run.

Hang in there!

The crux of my entire experience is that taking spontaneous decisions without giving them a second thought is not the answer to your problems. The answer is to be the best at what you do, persevere and then let success find you. 

You’ve read I Did Not Quit My Mundane Job After Reading Robin Sharma’s Book, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Help us help others. Please like this article. Share this article on your social media and with your tribe. And leave your comments below! ps: Download our free guided meditation self hypnosis MindPower Programs and Live Better On Purpose!

You’re reading 11 Soothing Habits to Chill Out Your Kids, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Kids are whirlwinds of energy, but even little ones need downtime. Plus, children aren’t immune to anxiety disorders. Today’s driven lifestyles with schedules chock-full of structured activities can leave tiny minds frazzled. 

How can you help your child to relax? It’s critical to teach them to self-soothe so that they develop healthy coping mechanisms as adults. As a parent, failing to teach your kids healthy ways to chill out can lead to behavioral issues and even addiction down the road. Instead, try these activities to help them calm down. 

1. Reward Downtime 

If you’re a Type A personality yourself, you may think you’re doing your child a favor by encouraging them to remain on the go always. You might even pat yourself on the back when they tumble into bed exhausted at day’s end. However, you could set them up for a lifetime of health woes. People with this assertive, driven personality type run a higher risk of heart disease than more sedate Type Bs. 

Start rewarding downtime by engaging in some yourself. Establish a rule to turn off all devices and put homework away at least 30 minutes before bed. Use this time to draw, read stories or participate in other quiet activities. Celebrate this quiet time as something to look forward to each day. 

2. Weigh Them Down 

You might know that weighted “thunder vests” can comfort your puppy during noisy storms. However, did you realize the same principle applies to your children? A weighted blanket creates deep sensory pressure on joints and muscles. The pressure can stimulate the release of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that increases positive feelings. It’s like giving them a full-body hug when they’re too old to sleep with you. 

3. Get Them Organized

Children can grow overwhelmed when they reach school age. Suddenly, they need to keep track of multiple assignments and deadlines. It’s a lot for little minds to handle, and if your child has perfectionist tendencies, they may stress over how to keep it all straight. Get them a planner and practice writing in it together. Each evening, help them to get their backpack prepared for the next school day. 

4. Use Doll or Puppet Play

Sometimes, younger children may struggle to communicate what is bothering them. You can use dolls or puppets to have them act out what’s weighing on their minds. Let them reenact the events that caused their stress, and brainstorm ways that the “characters” can solve their problem. 

5. Take a Walk 

You know as an adult that sometimes it’s better to walk away from a stressful situation than to escalate a conflict. Model this method of emotional regulation with your children. If your child threatens to meltdown, go for a walk around the block or to the local park. The physical exercise and outdoor air will eventually soothe them. 

6. Listen to Music 
As the cliché goes, music soothes the savage beast — and it can do the same for your little one. Put on your child’s favorite music and invite them to dance around the living room with you. You can even find kid-friendly dance videos on YouTube, often for free. 

7. Dial Back the Schedule 
If your child has soccer on Monday, piano on Tuesday and art club on Wednesday, is it any wonder that they’re exhausted? While it’s understandable that you want to keep your child supervised, kids need unstructured play to develop both mentally and emotionally. Plus, you risk making them feel like they have no say or control over their lives when you structure every moment of their day. Allow time in your child’s schedule to simply be. 

8. Read a Book 
Reading benefits your child’s brain development, but it’s also a potent self-soothing behavior. When your little one loses themselves in a story, they forget about their worries for a while. Encourage your child to read by taking them to the library and letting them select books that interest them. You can also suggest reads that reinforce healthy coping behaviors. 

9. Draw a Picture
Drawing and coloring can calm you down, and it can do the same for your children. If you’ve both had a stressful day, why not break out a stack of coloring books and a box of crayons? Sit down at your kitchen table, set a timer and color for 20-30 minutes. If your child prefers to draw, let them. Otherwise, the repetitive motion of coloring could inspire your little one to open up and discuss what’s on their mind. 

10. Stretch Little Bodies
Did you know that not only is yoga safe for children, but it’s also beneficial for developing bodies? When you present it in an age-appropriate way, it helps to counter the stress experienced in our hurry-up world. Using phrases like “stretch like a cat” engages their imagination and gets their bodies moving. 

11. Practice Guided Meditation

Children can benefit from meditation as much as adults. When 12 Thai boys became trapped in a cave with their football coach for 17 days, they survived the isolating darkness by using the practice. If you’re not sure where to start, consider taking an online class or signing up for one at your community recreation center. Some schools now use yoga and meditation instead of detention to modify the behavior of unruly students. 

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 Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, passionate freelance writer, and the blogger behind Mindfulness Mama. Follow her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.

You’ve read 11 Soothing Habits to Chill Out Your Kids, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Help us help others. Please like this article. Share this article on your social media and with your tribe. And leave your comments below! ps: Download our free guided meditation self hypnosis MindPower Programs and Live Better On Purpose!